Cluttered Kitchen Keto

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This recipe’s name is a mouthful, but I’m finding it difficult to describe it without using that many words. The basics are simple: Chaffles, filling, chaffles, egg custard, bake. But once you describe the type of chaffles and the flavor of the filling, you get to where we are today–a recipe that has seven words in the title. I’ll have fun fitting this on my Pinterest graphic later.

As usual, to make this, you’ll need your Dash Mini-Waffle Maker and a blender. I find the Magic Bullet Blender to be perfect for chaffles, but I can completely understand if you don’t want to get yet another kitchen appliance that takes up space. I think it’s much easier to clean than a regular blender. I still use my Vitamix for the big stuff, but it seems like overkill for chaffle batter unless you’re making it for 20 people.

No matter what blender you use, you’ll want to stack the ingredients to where the cream cheese is closest to the blades. For the amount of chaffles you’ll need to make for this recipe, you’ll need 1 ounce of cream cheese, 4 large eggs, 1/4 cup of almond flour, 2 tablespoons of granular Swerve, a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a half teaspoon of baking powder. Whiz that up in your blender, then cook them in the Dash until they’re golden brown, about 3-5 minutes per chaffle. You should end up with 8-9 chaffles from this, depending on how thickly you pour your batter. Tear up half of your chaffles and put them in the bottom of casserole dish that’s been well-greased with butter. I used a 2.5 quart Corningware for mine.

While you’re making the chaffles, work on the filling. I used an immersion blender for the raspberries, but it would work really well with one of the larger cup attachments to the Magic Bullet. I just didn’t have one clean, so I worked with what I had. Add 2-3 of granular Swerve to a cup of raspberries and blend until they’re pureed. If you’re using the Magic Bullet, you can just add 6 ounces of cream cheese and 2 tablespoons of confectioner’s Swerve directly to it and blend until it’s smooth. If not, use a hand mixer to blend the cream cheese and powdered Swerve with the raspberry puree. It helps if the cream cheese is softened, but it’s not necessary. Once that’s blended, pour it over the half of the chaffles in the baking dish, then tear up the other half of the chaffles and put them on top of the filling.

Now you’ll need to make the egg custard, which will soak into the chaffle mixture and give it that nice French toast texture. The base is 4 eggs and 1/2 cup of heavy cream, then for flavor you’ll need a teaspoon of vanilla extract, a teaspoon of cinnamon, and 2 tablespoons of brown sugar substitute, either Swerve Brown or Sukrin Gold, which is what I used. Beat all that together and pour it evenly over the casserole. At this point, preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and let the casserole rest while the oven heats. It’ll soak up that custard while you’re waiting. Once the oven preheats, bake it for 45 minutes, or until the egg custard is set in the middle. If you notice the top starting to brown too much, cover it with aluminum foil. You can serve this with sugar-free maple syrup, but honestly, I think it’s plenty sweet on its own.

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Again with the chaffles. It’s not going to get any better. This is the best bread substitute I’ve found in ages, and I’m gonna run this thing into the ground. There are slight adjustments to each recipe that can make them resemble various bread types. I didn’t think I could pull off biscuits, but here we are.

As always, you’ll need your Dash mini-waffle iron and a blender. I recommend the Magic Bullet blender, but feel free to use whichever blender you prefer. Goodness knows I don’t need any more kitchen gadgets to deal with, even though I can’t stop buying them.

This recipe will make 9 chaffle biscuits. You can go two ways with this one. It works perfectly well without any additional cheese on the waffle iron. Without cheese makes a prettier chaffle. I tried one of each for lunch when I cooked them yesterday to see which one I preferred. I liked the one with mozzarella better, taste-wise. It ends up adding a bit of additional crunch and saltiness that I preferred. It’s just not as picturesque. Feel free to use that first chaffle as a taste tester, to see if you like it or you’d rather do it the other way. Then keep the other 8 for your sausage gravy.

To make your chaffle biscuits, add 4 eggs, 1/4 cup of almond flour, a tablespoon of cold butter, 3 tablespoons of cream cheese, and a teaspoon of baking powder to your blender. You’ll want the cream cheese and butter the closest to the blades in the blender. Whiz it up until it’s smooth and airy. Heat up your Dash, and if you want, sprinkle a tablespoon of shredded mozzarella on it. Then pour your batter on, sprinkle another tablespoon of mozzarella on top if you choose, and close it. Cook it for about 3-5 minutes, until it’s a nice biscuit color, then remove. Repeat for the remaining chaffles. If you’re serving them immediately, you may want to keep them in a warm oven while you make the rest.

For the sausage gravy, brown a pound of breakfast sausage in a non-stick skillet. I used the zesty hot variety, but if you’re not a fan of spice, the sage also works really well. I didn’t drain my sausage, which was a bit of a tactical error as the end result was a tiny bit greasy. So I’ll recommend draining it once it’s cooked through, then returning the sausage to the skillet. Cube an entire block (8 ounces) of cream cheese, then add it to the pan with 1/3 to 1/2 cup of heavy cream. I like my sausage gravy really chunky, but if you want it thinner you can add more cream. Just make sure to adjust your macros accordingly! Whisk it constantly until there are no more cream cheese chunks, add black pepper to taste, and serve about 1/3 cup over each chaffle.

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There are a billion recipes out there for this, but I don’t think anyone else uses my particular twist, and in my ever-so-humble opinion, my twist makes the recipe even better. I got this idea back in college, after a conversation with an acquaintance who told me that his girlfriend ended up in the ER because of an allergic reaction to an egg roll she’d gotten from a local chain place in the student union. “They put PEANUT BUTTER in their egg rolls!” This was before restaurants started labeling things with peanuts in them. And I probably wouldn’t have expected an egg roll to have peanut butter in it either. But I liked their egg rolls, so the first time I made an egg roll in a bowl recipe, I added peanut butter to it, and history was made.

This also has the benefit of being a ridiculously easy recipe. All you need to do is measure out the liquid ingredients. Otherwise, it’s just throw stuff in a pan. It’s great for meal prep or a quick weeknight dinner because of that.

Start with a pound of ground pork. Heat a non-stick large saucepan or wok over medium-high heat, and add the pork, a tablespoon of garlic, a tablespoon of minced ginger, and a teaspoon of salt. You can throw in some crushed red pepper flakes as well. I used half a teaspoon. If you use the jarred minced ginger, be careful of brand–I found out recently that the Spice World minced ginger has added fructose! I wanted minced ginger, not minced ginger ale, Spice World! You suck. So make sure to check labels. Fry up that pork until it’s cooked through, breaking it up into small bits as it cooks. This will take about five minutes.

After that, add a bag and a half of coleslaw mix, 4 tablespoons of soy sauce, tamari, or coconut aminos, two tablespoons of rice wine vinegar, a tablespoon and a half of sesame oil, and 2 tablespoons of natural peanut butter. Look for the one with the lowest net carbs. I use the Kirkland variety from Costco. Stir it all together and cook until the peanut butter is fully incorporated and the cabbage is wilted, about 5 minutes, then add some pepper to taste. And you’re done. This literally takes 10 minutes to cook, and most of the prep time involves finding the ingredients in your pantry.

Since I made this to get me lunches for a short work week, it has 4 good-sized servings. It does happen to be a wee bit high in carbs, though, so if you want to lower it, you can stretch it out to five servings no problem. That having been said, I can easily fit a meal with 10 net carbs into my day, since I like my breakfasts to be really low-carb. This week’s breakfast is only 3 net carbs, so I’m averaging about 6.5 net carbs per meal, which is right on target.

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